I could give you a million things to worry about today. But if you’re anything like me, your anxiety already has that covered.
For the hell of it though, let’s go ahead and name drop a few of the things you're stressing over. You’re worried about whether it’s the right time to pursue a new idea or job opportunity. You’re obsessing over the status of your relationship, career, or living situation. You’re really and truly not sure whether to throw caution to the wind and give something a try or to sit back and play it safe. You cannot figure out how much is too much and when to draw the line and stand up for yourself. Oh, and you’re somehow still thinking (always thinking) about the awkward thing you did in 2010.
What’s really happening at the root of most of our anxious and annoying AF thoughts are a few unsolved mysteries that we all have to figure out. Simply, they’re these questions:
Am I good enough?
What do I deserve?
What do I need (or not need)?
After years (read: decades) of struggling with anxiety and waking up every morning thinking, “what is even going on with my life, oh-my-GAWD whyyyy,” I finally pulled it together by learning to answer those questions every morning. Every morning I have to wake up and decide what the answer to those questions will be.
Again, every morning I wake up and decide.
Deciding is the one thing you must do every day before you do anything else. Don’t make that first cup of coffee. Don’t check emails or IG. Don’t talk to your mom, sig other, or friend. Don’t worry about Beyoncé right now. Decide.
With respect to those questions, you must decide...
that you are good enough and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Define what respect looks and feels like to you and what your ultimate boundaries and expectations are. Maybe you won’t allow anyone to raise their voice at you ever - that’s your boundary. Maybe you deserve respect and that means you won’t accept a certain tone or condescension from a client or partner - and if that’s what they give you’re willing to walk away. Maybe you won’t allow anyone to come for Beyoncé, Blue Ivy or women old and young in general today. Your life, your rules. One day, I woke up and decided that I deserved to be making a certain amount of money doing a certain type of job and I refused to back down that day. That’s the same day, I got exactly what I asked for and deserved.
what you “don’t” do. My grandmother has a way of being very firm about “what she don’t do.” She will not, ever, be late for church. She literally doesn’t care about you or your feelings about it. Jesus couldn’t tell her to be late. She just don’t do that. When you determine what is an absolute “no” for you - a don’t, a won’t, and shon’t - you have the power to no longer care about anything but your decision. For example, “I don’t talk to people who make hateful comments about women” and “I don’t work when I’m on vacation” means you now won’t do those things. No one can tell you anything. You’ve made your choice. You have all the power. Now, freely enjoy your list of “Don’ts,” flaunt your unwillingness, and never regret doing something you didn’t want to do again.
what, actually, you will do. And watch it actually get done. Maybe your gut is screaming that you need to drag your ass to the gym, or maybe it’s begging you to just eat a carb today. Perhaps, your intuition is saying it’s time to end things in a personal or professional relationship. Reward yourself with a stretch of courage and acknowledge what the voice deep inside of you has been singing, screaming or raging about. Say it out loud: “I will do ___.” Then, dare to decide you’re going to do what you just said. In a complete plot twist and shocking surprise, mine once told me that I will do work for Beyoncé one day. And wouldn’t you know … it actually happened. Simply because I decided: “I will work for Beyoncé.” Decision and I are now in a deep relationship, because He’s given me things y’all simply cannot. Like, Beyoncé.
If decision and worries walked into a bar, I have a feeling your worries would quickly end up in a bathroom stall crying about how underdressed she is. And your decisions would be calling “shots” like it’s your birthday.