This time last year, I walked out of an emergency room without a clue that in the coming 12 months, I would lose my footing altogether.
But, I can’t complain, can I? Because on a macro level, the past 10-12 months have been particularly crippling. We’ve watched wars rage on all around us. Insecurity, brokenness and ignorance took up arms and began their assault on basic human rights like love, culture, and innocence. Monsters sneakily sat down at our tables and stirred up the storms that would soon dismantle the most important of things - like decency, dignity, progress, and the very cities, states, countries and islands we bleed for. In more poetic terms, everything got f*cked up.
On a micro level, a parallel war raged on in my own life. On a September evening, I begged a doctor to let me leave an itchy hospital bed that still smelled like someone else. I’d narrowly escaped accidentally killing myself with food (ironic, considering I was at the heaviest weight I’d ever been in my life). All I wanted was to get home, but I was in a strange city and my flight had left hours ago. I balanced myself on my feet on a dark corner and called myself an Uber - the first step towards getting back to where I belong.
The ride that would come next was stranger, though, than I would’ve hoped. In the next few months, I allowed leaders to come into my life who never should have been there, and watched with crippling anxiety as they wreaked havoc. I witnessed abundant death (real and symbolic) and life (real and symbolic) in rapid succession. I decidedly lost dead weight and grieved it. I unexpectedly lost people and grieved them. I allowed myself to let in people who I needed and became the person I needed. I made really expensive mistakes and realized all of them were the right decision. I experienced some of my life’s most incredible memories and allowed my heart to burst open with the joy and sadness of it all.
Now, I am rounding out the year on the other side of these experiences with all the confidence and knowledge they gave me. And somewhere, in the middle of the mess - because of the mess - I had a come up.
And while the come up is yet to be fully seen, I want you to know this: When a war rages around and inside of you, and everything knocks you off your feet, forcing you to stay down - you are, in fact, having a come up.
When I finally stand, I will stand as the leader I never had. I will also stand with the relationships I always wanted. At my feet, will lie the value I’d never been brave enough to step into. In my stride will be a million inspiring stories I have to tell.
A come up is a strange, long process. But if you choose to be a witness to it - watch the road as you take the strange, long ride - when it’s over, it will be clear to everyone where you came from and why you deserve to be where you are now.
I can’t wait to continue to share this come up with y’all.